By Attrition

I don't want to lead just for leadership sake. I don't want to be the default example by virtue of attrition. I want to inspire and to steer because...? I can't find the motivation. I take such a hands-off approach, because I believe it's better to let everyone find their own way? Do I really believe that, or it's just what I believe was expected of me? What is my hope for others, if not for myself? I think that's the root of a lot of attempted influence: I can't, so I'll try through you instead. I couldn't figure out how to rely on others, so I'll just vaguely insist upon it for you instead. But that's just placing the burdon on someone else. If I truly believe in something, why do I resist it? Either there's a conflicting belief opposing the effort, or it's not truly my belief. It doesn't really capture what I think and feel. I think it's a mixed-bag: that I have a lot of growing to do, and that I need to build meaningful connections with others. I hesitate to pursue the latter before the prior is established (undeniably,) but then again I probably won't make any real progress without learning from others. A self-limiting condition: become excellent before seeking others, but you need others to become truly excellent. So get comfortable with the discomfort of your own mediocrity.