donny.nyc - mostly kidding

                      88                      88               ______| |___              /           / \             /           /   \            /___________/    |             |         |     |             | __   __ |     |             ||__| |__||     |             ||__| |__||     |             |         |     |             |     _   |     |             |    |.|  |     ^^             |    | |  |  ^^            ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ fig. 2 - house

Regret

  I sometimes catch myself throwing around cheap platitudes and feeling like I'm in a car commercial:

  "Just keep going," in your 2024 Hyundai Sonata, with only $2,500 due at signing.

  "Never look back," with the all new Ford F-150. The #1 best-selling mid-size pickup in America.

  "Blaze your own trail," by leasing one of our new or pre-owned cars down at Chase Chevrolet.

  Part of me can't help but fall for it. It's so comforting to suspend my disbelief and succumb to the mantra. "Maybe I've just been complicating things," I'll say. "Maybe it's time for me to stop looking back, so I can keep going, and buy Mitsubishi." It's like that thrilling honeymoon phase of self-empowerment, where you've dragged yourself far enough out of bed to go and buy a self-help book. Forget that these days, you don't have to crawl far. You want one that's approachable, and non-threatening, but doesn't make you feel pitiful. You scoff at the overtly-religious genre. "At least I'm not that desperate," you laugh, skipping over the sections on relationships, and communication. Those make you mad, for reasons you never fully explored. Eventually your eyes catch a New-age-y title that promises a mindful approach. "Well, that's evidence-based," you say. But really, there's a woman on the cover who reminds you of a girl you dated. She smelled like patchouli oil. You never fucked, but think you came close once. The memory makes you feel something resembling happiness, so you buy the book.

  You start reading, breezing through sections on box-breathing, radical self-acceptance, and the root of perception. You start to get excited. A ray of light has pierced the darkness, and as the clouds part, a glorious sun emerges and casts the world in a golden glow. After all the years of suffering and hurting alone, you bathe in the cosmic love and feel hope. You feel like life is in your hands, like you have the power to go forth and become the person you want to be.

You burst out into the world, reborn. Dancing with ecstasy, and armed with an electric kettle and a box of tea bags, you dart into the nearby park, tearing ahead to begin your new, rich life. Throwing yourself atop a bench into half-lotus, you begin feverishly brewing a heroic dose of Lipton's. Because you're ready to live your life. You're ready to be mindful. You're ready to meditate, and concentrate. And right now, that means closing your eyes, choking down half a gallon of scalding-hot tea. A spectacle, for all around to bear witness to the transformation. Just like God intended.

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